Snack You Silly

Fun Fact: Originally called “Brown Jug Toasted Corn” in 1936, this snack was devised to be given away for free in California taverns until a law was passed that made it illegal for bartenders to give away free food (no joke).
Recommended T.O.E.: Keeping with the “Brown Jug” tradition, try them any time after sunset with a PBR Tall Boy or Budweiser 24 oz. “Giant Can.”

“Domestic beer will only enhance its already-rich finish.”

A friend of mine discovered Corn Nuts for the first time two summers ago; I found this out when he was trying to find the best corn whiskey and told me that “every product made from corn is delicious, so corn whiskey must be great.” When I asked what products he was referring to, his only response was “Corn Nuts.” An interesting theory on its own, but one that deserves some interrogation.

I bought my most recent bag of classic, original flavored Corn Nuts at a liquor store called “The Candy Store” out of a box that normally holds Pall-Mall cigarettes. Taking this as a good sign, I started eating them with a 24 oz. can of Budweiser. Upon first opening, I found the bag surprisingly full, with an aroma that perfectly complemented the heft of the bag. Definitely some kind of corn-like scent, but handling the individual Corn Nuts made me think that the “nut” element had to have some sway in the recipe.

As everyone knows, the taste of Corn Nuts is nothing spectacular on its own; just a mixture of a super-hard Bugle with a walnut-like hollowness in the center. The real charm is in Corn Nuts’ signature aftertaste, or “finish.” The chalk-like, sandy residue they leave inside your mouth is unique in the world of old-school affordable gas station post-drunk snacks, and to the uninitiated it can (and should) be a turn off. When mixed with an otherwise unremarkable beer, there’s something to be said for this unique combination where the whole becomes greater than its parts. I would call this phenomenon the “Corn Hops, Nuts Barley” fusion: the chalkiness of the average Corn Nut melts away and infuses an otherwise shitty beer with what may be the Ur Ingredient in more premium, imported lagers.

With that said, I can’t imagine a situation where anyone would walk into any store in a state of intended sobriety and say, “I’m hungry, and I think I want Corn Nuts.” Corn Nuts just aren’t substantial enough to be filling, have too strange an aftertaste, and only hold up to scrutiny when combined with their intended alcoholic brethren from the Anheuser-Busch Co. The odd thing is that Corn Nuts have never really taken off with the Bro crowd, and are usually left to the pitiful beer drinkers left alone by 11 p.m. to watch so many Law and Orders. Which isn’t to say that Corn Nuts aren’t worth the $0.99, but you really need to have a mission in mind to make them worthwhile. Also, I couldn’t even finish a whole bag.

N.B.: Urban legend states that there is nothing worse than a Corn Nuts vomit session; eat them responsibly or with a sense of purpose.

-Peter James

This entry was posted on Monday, June 23rd, 2008 at 5:00 am and is filed under 3 Stars, Misnomer, Peter James. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.