Snack You Silly

Fun Fact: If you throw this treat into the sky, Batman will drive past you within minutes, searching for a crime to interrupt
Recommended T.O.E.: As soon as you see it, and then months after that, you may have another

“It’s fuckin’ crazy big.’”

I love Halo, DC Comics, and peanut butter-flavored anythings. Imagine the pleasant surprise, then, when while playing Halo 3, I discovered the voices and characters of three major Firefly passengers. I already like Firefly and Halo on their own, but to combine them? I quiver in ecstasy thinking about such wonderful combinations, and here was one that actually came to be. Yes, this makes me a huge nerd, but go fuck yourself; it was awesome.

Tonight I wandered into 7-Eleven for a bag of chips to accompany my decent ‘hot chicken and cheese on a bun’ idea currently melting and rotating in the microwave back home. Chip choice aside, I soon found myself standing in line behind an actual crazy person (again, this was awesome) and realized I probably had time to spare before I was going to be served. The fat mustachioed man was not going to take up the second register and save us all a few hellishly awkward moments.

It was then that I noticed a single serving Reese’s Milk Chocolate and Peanut Butter Bat. I removed my nighttime sunglasses in a dramatic fashion and stood transfixed. “Mother of God,” I said. Here is another combination too good to resist. Batman is a seriously dangerous motherfucker. The Dark Knight is coming to theaters on my twenty-first birthday. July 18th already seemed pretty monumental to me without the Goddamn Batman involved, but that’s how it is.

On a related note, exactly twenty-one years ago, when my mother was carrying me, she had only one craving that was so consistent throughout the pregnancy that it was ingrained in her memory until she could tell me about it: peanut butter. Every other food that she supplied my fetal form was peanut butter-accented, and since then I’ve loved Reese’s shit. Peanut butter and chocolate seems like a naturally wonderful combination to anyone else; to me, it seems standardly delicious.

This kind of snack is great in the single serving, because I can’t imagine sitting down and eating multiples. It’s almost too rich, and seems great when you eat it, but there is too much of a good thing, and this is a prime example.

Imagine one of their regular peanut butter cups, but without any ridges. Instead of ridges, it’s all smooth sides, with no edges or flat surfaces. It’s like a peanut butter blob contained within that chocolate shell, now. Now imagine that delicious blob getting bigger until it’s roughly the size of the palm of your hand (if you are the size of a really awesome dude). The chocolate shell stays the same thickness, but the peanut butter goodness inside increases in volume. I don’t know the exact math, but it’s fuckin’ crazy big. The shell of a standard peanut butter cup is not exactly crunchy or hard to get through, but for those of you that know, the outside is certainly harder than the uber-soft center of the cup. That soft ‘is this almost melting’ part of the chocolate shell is actually what makes up the entirety of this particular peanut butter treat, making it extra wonderful and easy to enjoy.

Now imagine it shaped like the goddamn Batman symbol!

-Michael Ireland

This entry was posted on Monday, June 30th, 2008 at 5:00 am and is filed under 3 Stars, Candy, Guest Writers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.