Snack You Silly

Fun Fact: Discontinued flavors of Jujubes include rose, mint, and lilac
Recommended T.O.E.: Right before getting your teeth professionally cleaned

“Food should not be this hard to eat.”

Doing research for this review I stumbled upon this review by blogger fairlyfamous -

whoa. I have never had these crazy little candies before in my life. I picked up a box at CVS and decided to test them out. DANG. That is a major workout for your jaw. I thought my jaw was going to come unhinged and I would be left with a jaw that flaps in the wind. The term slack-jawed comes to mind. And I have gobs of JUJUBES stuck in every crevasse(how do you spell that crazy word?) of my mouth. NOw I’m making really goofy faces trying to remove the pieces of JUJUBES from my mouth. I’ve never worked this hard to eat anything in my life. You have been warned.

I feel bad, because that’s not too dissimilar from the notes I took while eating Jujubes earlier today. I could have just edited that into something that had a semblance of studied English behind it and not told anyone.

Really though, food should not be this hard to eat. I have now digested (hopefully), in my life, three Jujubes. And these things have got to be about a third of a gram each.

This review is far from a recommendation, so I hope few of you actually go out there and buy some of these, but if you do, here’s how to eat them:

Put less than five Jujubes in your mouth and chew for a minute. At this point there should be no more food matter in your mouth being chewed while you move your jaw, even though you haven’t swallowed yet - the entirety of the Jujube or Jujubes will be stuck in your teeth. Pick it all out with a toothpick or your fingernail and swallow. If you’re a sick motherfucker, repeat. It’ll take you (I did the math here) at least an hour and forty minutes to finish the box.

This is all very sad because these things don’t taste bad. They actually taste exactly like Jujyfruits. You should buy those instead. 1 out of 1 Elaine Beneses agree.

-Zvi Finklestein

This entry was posted on Friday, July 11th, 2008 at 12:07 pm and is filed under 1 Star, Candy, Zvi Finklestein. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.