Snack You Silly

Without a doubt, Pop-Tarts are to the snackfood world what the iPod is to the technology world. A whole new system of thought, concept, and execution, Pop-Tarts would change the world forever upon release in 1967. From their foil wrapping that was originally used for dogfood to their characteristic frosting that miraculously doesn’t melt in the toaster, Pop-Tarts are iconic North American ingenuity, rife with the teary complexities and magnanimous histories of the great continent itself.

If you’ve ever been to a supermarket, then you know what the Pop-Tart section does to fans. I’ve heard people cheer as they see the now famous “due to possible risk of fire, never leave your toasting appliance or microwave unattended” on a Pop-Tarts package. I’ve seen wet spots appear in the front of kids’ pants as they try to process every flavor at once. I teared up along with every other Kellogg employee as the U.S. military dropped more than two million pounds of Pop-Tarts in Afghanistan to give the needy a taste of North America.

But the narrative of the North American Pop-Tart, as everyone knows, has been as complex as the great continent itself. Let’s not forget, on this celebratory Pop-Tart week, to remember the way Kellogg took government funds in the 1950s to buy up Native American land at a pittance, only to build massive Pop-Tart factories with jobs for foreign workers.

But if you’re like me and believe in the North American spirit, you believe in perseverance, karma, and that, as Barack Obama likes to quote, “the moral universe is long,” or something like that. Let’s not forget people like Don Hertzfeldt, the evil, evil man, who is looking into suing Kellogg for stealing his “comedy” for use in their breakthrough ad campaign of 2004.

No, in this noble history, there is no immediate right or wrong.

Last weekend, when I was riding the subway to Brooklyn, I saw a blonde-haired man with a small tattoo. It said “be here, now.” As I bit wistfully into a satchel of cherry P-Ts, our eyes met for just a moment. Pundits may disagree with me, but I’m convinced that the bulge he patted in his messenger bag was, like so many other North-Americans, a bulge of his favorite flavor.

-Benjamin Bernstein

This entry was posted on Monday, July 14th, 2008 at 6:20 pm and is filed under North American Pop-Tart Week. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.