Strawberry Pop-Tarts
Fun Fact: The material pop tarts are wrapped in will keep you alive in space if you wrap your entire body in it
Recommended T.O.E.: During North American Pop-Tart week
“I was hungry and they were there.”
When I first bit into one of my strawberry Pop-Tarts, I immediately came to the conclusion that the main ingredient was not the strawberry, but the icing. Of course, the box agreed. The pop tarts I bought were called ‘Frosted Strawberry,’ not ‘Strawberry with frosting’ or anything that would indicate that strawberries were more important in this pop tart than the icing. No, strawberries are running third place behind the sugary amalgamation and the flaky crunchy crust it decorates.
I originally had a plan to eat one of them at room temperature, one toasted, and one cold. Room temperature seems to be how they were intended, because I ended up eating six of eight without any toasting or refrigerating involved. Mind you, this was not because I liked eating them, but I was hungry and they were there.
Before I went to toast one of the last two, I stumbled across an article about a university professor producing foot-high flames with a strawberry pop tart he’d left in the toaster too long.
Fuck that.
The cold pop tart was decent, but not any better than the originals. I imagined that eating one of them with the strawberry jam inside at the temperature I usually eat strawberry jam at would be a good idea, but cooling this ridiculous breakfast snack only made it harder to tolerate.
In fact, none of these pop tarts were actually enjoyable. They ended up serving me as much as anything edible and tolerable could. There is nothing good about them, but when you need something to eat and you come across some strawberry pop tarts, it sure is handy, because they taste least awful when you eat them straight out of the box.
-Mike Ireland
July 15th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Seriously? Is your only buff with them the strawberry to frosting ratio? You buy them knowing the ratio, it’s the same for all of them and like you said, it’s not strawberry with frosting… I challenge you to give another reason for giving them such a low score. I thoroughly disagree with you.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:35 am
Honestly, I tasted the bread-like material more than I tasted any icing or filling. They weren’t bad, but pop tarts would never go on any favorite list of mine. There is something better than a strawberry pop tart at all times unless you wake up in a strange place and find an open box. They served me only as something to chew on and distract me from real cravings. And you can’t tell me that putting more icing and jam-like material in and on all pop tarts would not make them better by an incalculable factor.
July 27th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Strawberry pop tarts are absolutely delicious, sir.