Whatchamacallit
Fun Fact: When originally introduced in 1978, Whatchamacallits had no caramel
Recommended T.O.E.: When your jaw is wired shut
“I call it a goddamn Whatchamacallit!”
Whatchamacallit is my nomination for best candy bar with the worst name. Firstly, Whatchamacallit? Where the fuck does that come from? What do I ma call it? Well, certainly not “walzendoo,” but the answer would be the same if you just asked me what I call it. My linguist friend has informed me that adding a nasal sound, such as “ma,” makes words like this easier to pronounce, but I think “Whatchacallit” would work just fine.
And secondly, and more importantly, how does it make sense for the name of a thing to ask you what you call it? I call it a goddamn Whatchamacallit! So does everybody else. Because that is its goddamn name. As stupid as it sounds, I’m in support of using this thing’s Canadian name, “Special Crisp.”
But I digress. Whatchamacallit is one of the finest candy bars available today. Usually I would chastise people for supporting Hershey products, especially the chocolate-based ones. I’ve even said they’re the Coca-Cola of candy — people buy both simply because they’re trendy without even considering the alternatives. Which are, in most cases, of higher quality.
The main problem I have with Hershey products is the quality of the chocolate. It hardly even tastes like cocoa. But Whatchamacallit defies this rule because of its low chocolate content. The thin coating is enough to stand up to the caramel and peanut-flavored crisps inside without overpowering them, whereas in something like, say, a 5th Avenue bar, the chocolate is the star of the show.
Whatchamacallits are elegant in construction and subtle in their complexity of flavor. They boast a perfect crunch level and fill you up exactly how much you want a candy bar to. So next time you’re in the candy aisle looking for something peanut-y and are feeling sick of Snickers or Reese’s anything (you should permanently by now), give one a shot.
-Zvi Finklestein
August 1st, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I’m old enough to remember the original uncarameled Watchajigger. I loved it so much it was my favorite bar … until they put caramel in it. I try them every once in a while but still pine for the original. Perhaps I’ll embrace the upgraded version when I’m old and senile and have forgotten the initial perfection of the bar. (Oh, back when it had real chocolate, too.)
August 3rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Whatchamacallit used to be my brother’s favorite candy. Back in 1994, we used to eat them every day after school.