Snack You Silly

Fun fact: Despite tasting the same, the chocolate in M&M’s Premiums is made from a different recipe than original M&M’s’
Recommended T.O.E.: When you’re out of Grey Poupon

“I was too disgusted to hold one in my hand long enough to test, but I’m sure it would have melted.”

As everyone should know by now, you “never go full retard.” Ben Stiller, an actor playing an actor playing a role, knows that he can’t forget where he comes from, or that he’s faking, or that he’s there for entertainment.

With M&M’s new release of Mint Chocolate Premiums, however, the brand has gone full retard. In this maneuver, M&M’s have clearly forgotten where they come from, recklessly entering the gourmet chocolate market with results that stimulate neither the intellect nor the taste buds.

M&M’s are candy. They are simple, iconic, regarded with perhaps much more credit than they deserve. In an attempt to dispense with its lowly candy classification, hoping to be regarded by the public as something more, M&M’s have inadvertently dropped one of the elements that made their previous releases so great, or at least palatable: the colored candy shell.

As I said, M&M’s are candy, not chocolate, and to be sure, they are not chocolates. (The plural denoting a level of snootiness often thought out of reach for the Mars Company.) Leaving out the shell showcases what has always been one of the weaker M&M’s ingredients. Alone, the chocolate feels naked and ashamed. It’s also tasteless. The Mint Chocolate Premiums favor dark and white over the traditional milk, but the attempt to fit in with other premium chocolate brands is so shallow it makes me wish I hadn’t bought them.

Without the candy shell, the new M&M’s suffer in many ways. I was too disgusted to hold one in my hand long enough to test, but I’m sure it would have melted.

Why would M&M’s try to change their image with such an abrupt and uninspired release? This is a brand that is fully cemented in the American gum line, so much so that one of our own writers questioned the relevance of our work when addressing such a beloved product. In addition, M&M’s have never lacked relevancy. Peanut, crunchy, mini, peanut butter - each added a new flavor, or at least a new color to the mix. Even the most devoted fan will gain nothing from this version. All that stands out here is the new hourglass cardboard packaging, but as Laura Bix of the Michigan State University School of Packaging writes, “Industrial packaging machines are ‘terribly expensive.’”

We can only hope that M&M’s are left with a hefty debt, and that they’ve learned their lesson.

-Jesse Gubb

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 at 12:48 pm and is filed under 0 Stars, Candy, Jesse Gubb. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.