Candy Necklaces
Fun fact: Candy necklaces are cheaper per candy than candy bracelets
Recommended T.O.E.: When hipsters inevitably start wearing them
“There are better options for both your candy-eating and your accesorizing needs.”
When reviewing snacks here at Snack You Silly headquarters, we try to not just review food, but completely products. Packaging, brand message, etc. are all taken into account. Candy necklaces are not just candy, they’re jewelry. So I gave my girlfriend one as a gift. (She’s not this website’s guinea pig or anything, I really thought she’d like it.) She didn’t think it was cute or funny. She hasn’t been returning my calls, actually.
Whatever.
I’ve seen kids wearing these things, every once in a while pulling the front part off their neck to their mouth and taking a bite. I tried this, and found that I got some saliva on the candies adjacent to the ones I bit off. These then rubbed against my neck, leaving some residue of artificial coloring on my skin. So after a quick trip to the sink to clean up (we’re usually playing Super Smash Bros. while we snack here, so this is a scratch in the con column), I ate the rest while not wearing it.
So the necklace part of this foodstuff is a failure. And how about the candy? It’s also a letdown. Jill Skylab, associate editor of expanded content for this website, and a women who is hard to impress both when it comes to smart-casual accessories and snack foods, said, “I kind of feel like throwing up,” and “the back of my throat burns.” They’re like SweeTarts without the tart. Or Spree without the fruit flavoring. And really, then, what’s the point? There are better options for both your candy-eating and your accesorizing needs.
-Zvi Finklestein
