Snack You Silly

Fun fact: SanrioDigital are hard at work on a massively multiplayer online roleplaying game, Hello Kitty Online
Recommended T.O.E.: The second time you take ecstasy in Japan

“Chalky and unpleasant.”

I bought three different flavors of Sanrio Bubble Gum for a dollar and fifty cents. I got probably two minutes of chewing in total before my mouth felt like it needed to be emptied (for those of you questioning why gum is being reviewed on a snack website, I swallowed). Gum is meant to be savored, and enjoyed even after the flavoring has worn off. A thirty-five cent pack of Juicy Fruit lasts me a week. Sanrio Bubble Gum, though, is horrible from beginning to end. The texture is chalky and the flavor’s artificial and unpleasant.

It scares me to think about the people who buy this stuff. A quick glance at the Wikipedia article titled “List of Sanrio Characters” gives us a frightening look into the world of these people. You’ll never hear me deny that Hello Kitty is a cute design, but the type of person who is interested in its and its friends’ fiction is sick. Sick.

The first flavor I tried was Cinnamoroll’s.

Cinnamoroll is a white puppy with long ears, blue eyes, and a plump and curly tail that resembles a cinnamon roll. He starred in his own anime movie which was released in Autumn 2007. Some people mistake Cinnamoroll for a rabbit because of his long ears and rabbit-like looks. Cinnamoroll was created in 2001.

It’s the worst of the bunch. I should have known from the start this stuff would be deceiving; it’s “blueberry” flavored, not cinnamon. And that thing is definitely a rabbit, I don’t care what the internet says.

The second was Frooliemew, who surprisingly is not listed on Wikipedia. Maybe Sanrio aficionados aren’t quite internet-from-the-early-00’s savvy. Fan sites, though, have taught me that “Mew,” as they call her, has a birthday. May 24. Fuck. Her gum is “strawberry” flavored, which is curious because her favorite food is blueberry scones. It tastes like cheap girls’ body wash smells.

And last, but far from least, is Chibimaru. His “kiwi fruit” gum is the only half-decent one of the bunch.

Chibimaru is a fictional puppy and one of the Sanrio characters. He was introduced to the world on February 2, 2003. He’s doing tricks as a hobby and is very curious. He spends time inside his owners bag and go to many places. He is one of three triplets, the name of his two siblings are Chidi-Maru & Chifi-Maru.

That is some terrifying shit right there.

-Zvi Finklestein

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under 0.5 Stars, Candy, Zvi Finklestein. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.