Snack You Silly

Fun fact: SanrioDigital are hard at work on a massively multiplayer online roleplaying game, Hello Kitty Online
Recommended T.O.E.: The second time you take ecstasy in Japan

“Chalky and unpleasant.”

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Fun fact: Candy necklaces are cheaper per candy than candy bracelets
Recommended T.O.E.: When hipsters inevitably start wearing them

“There are better options for both your candy-eating and your accesorizing needs.”

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Fun fact: Despite tasting the same, the chocolate in M&M’s Premiums is made from a different recipe than original M&M’s’
Recommended T.O.E.: When you’re out of Grey Poupon

“I was too disgusted to hold one in my hand long enough to test, but I’m sure it would have melted.”

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Fun Fact: Jon Lovitz was the original voice of the red M&M
Recommended T.O.E.: The 1980’s, apparently

“As a critic, I’ve never felt more irrelevant.”

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Fun Fact: Ice Coffee is greater than or equal to Coffee Ice
Recommended T.O.E.: When you’re at Dunkin’ Donuts

“Best part of Double D’s ice coffee - aiming your straw at the ring of sugar at the bottom of the cup and sucking the grains through the cracks of my teeth (you read those pronouns correctly).”

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Fun Fact: When originally introduced in 1978, Whatchamacallits had no caramel
Recommended T.O.E.: When your jaw is wired shut

“I call it a goddamn Whatchamacallit!”

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Fun Fact: The Every Burger is easy to steal if you don’t have money
Recommended T.O.E.: When real burgers just ain’t cutting it

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my years of snacking, it’s that people with dry mouths are idiots.”

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Fun Fact: Discontinued flavors of Jujubes include rose, mint, and lilac
Recommended T.O.E.: Right before getting your teeth professionally cleaned

“Food should not be this hard to eat.”

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Fun Fact: If you throw this treat into the sky, Batman will drive past you within minutes, searching for a crime to interrupt
Recommended T.O.E.: As soon as you see it, and then months after that, you may have another

“It’s fuckin’ crazy big.’”

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