Snack You Silly

Fun Fact: When originally introduced in 1978, Whatchamacallits had no caramel
Recommended T.O.E.: When your jaw is wired shut

“I call it a goddamn Whatchamacallit!”

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Fun Fact: Euro Shopper Paprika Chips have the longest shelf life of any of the discount European snack chips
Recommended T.O.E.: When you’re bored on a train in Europe and you’ve run out of friends to email

“An unpretentious international package sure to satisfy”

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Fun Fact: Two Bite Brownies are physically impossible to choke on.
Recommended T.O.E.: Critics will disagree, but after the salad and before the steak.

“What about the second bite, you might ask? What about that stain on your polo shirt, I’d respond.”

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Fun Fact: The Every Burger is easy to steal if you don’t have money
Recommended T.O.E.: When real burgers just ain’t cutting it

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my years of snacking, it’s that people with dry mouths are idiots.”

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Fun fact: Little Caesar was actually 6’2″
Recommended T.O.E.: When in Rome

“A five-dollar large pizza can’t be quality food, right? Right!? Wrong.”

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Fun fact: Entenmann’s was founded by a German immigrant in Brooklyn… just like me!
Recommended T.O.E.: When you’re just hanging out with your hip music and art friends in Brooklyn, NY, enjoying the scene

“No plans of stopping ‘til I see cardboard.”

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Fun Fact: The Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart has the same amount of calories as a Ham sandwich from Subway
Recommended T.O.E.: During North American Pop-Tart week

“If you’ve had indigestion, don’t blame the Pop-Tart; it was your own fault.”

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Fun Fact: Blueberry Pop-Tarts contain real blueberry
Recommended T.O.E.: During North American Pop-Tart week
“Warm, gooey scrumptiousness.”

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Fun Fact: The material pop tarts are wrapped in will keep you alive in space if you wrap your entire body in it
Recommended T.O.E.: During North American Pop-Tart week

“I was hungry and they were there.”

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Fun Fact: Discontinued flavors of Jujubes include rose, mint, and lilac
Recommended T.O.E.: Right before getting your teeth professionally cleaned

“Food should not be this hard to eat.”

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